FETCH
COLLECTIVE

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What are the characteristics of your ideal partner? 

 

“Someone to get on the roof and fix the shingles.” 

“Someone that doesn’t act like a princess and expects everything handed to them on a silver platter.” 

“Anyone that’s obsessed with me.” 

“Someone who knows that they have the prize above all prizes.” 

“Anyone who is worth fighting for.”

 

In the pilot episode of Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker), columnist for The New York Star, knowingly introduces herself to the audience: “Welcome to the age of ‘innocence’[...] Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has flown the co-op.” After her poetic and fantastical prose regarding the loss of romance in New York City, Bradshaw speaks directly to the camera before asking viewers and fellow New Yorkers, "How the hell did we get into this mess?” Samantha Jones (Kim Catrall), the “woman with all the answers” and self-employed celebrity public relations agent, offers a no-nonsense solution: “You have two choices: you can bang your head against the wall and try to find a relationship or you can say ‘screw ’em,’ and just go out and have sex like a man.” To no surprise, Carrie is an idealist, asking questions about the inner workings of Manhattan, while Samantha is a realist, seeking her own experiences to answer those questions. In this cut-throat game of finding “the one,” our generation seems to be turning towards Samantha’s school of thought. 

 

Sex and the City has once again captured the attention of the dating world's next generation. The general consensus is that the 1990s sitcom embraces the right things about singlehood: sexual freedom, self exploration, prioritizing friendship, and the ability to take advantage of what a city has to offer. However, with the show's recent resurgence came a different interpretation of the characters. As many have noted, the show was originally framed for watchers to idolize the main character, Carrie; however, in its rebirth, many are drawn to Samantha instead. 

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This shift in character preference reflects the generational shift toward embracing sexuality and raw authenticity, further emphasizing the desire to prioritize oneself over romantic endeavors and relationships. Samantha embodies a confident, unconventional experimentalist, embracing non-monogamy, while Carrie represents a neurotic, relationship-driven romantic, willing to lose herself for the sake of being in a relationship. Exhibit A: In Season 6, Episode 4, ("Pick-a-Little, Talk-a-Little") Miranda, post-shower, naked and in pain, calls Carrie for help after injuring herself. However, Carrie abandons her to meet with her editor. Instead of helping her closest friend in a time of crisis, she asks her boyfriend at the time, Aidan, to take Miranda to the emergency room, showcasing how Carrie often prioritizes herself over her friendships. Comparatively, the recent celebration of Samantha as a “powerhouse realist woman” supports a move toward a more open-minded, liberated, and experimental approach to dating, including the prioritization of friendships and other nonromantic relationships.

 

Naturally, as Carrie did throughout the series, Fetch called on its friends and community for input. When asked whether Generation Z (born 1997-2012) resonated most with Carrie or Samantha, answers were divided. Some believed that Carrie is relatable for us because toxic relationships and emotionally unavailable men are glamorized. Perhaps, more women are Carrie, but aspire to be Samantha. Regardless, many agreed that Samantha is aspirational because she “won the man's game”— she thinks like a man, but does so in a titularly feminine way. 

 

It seems to be the consensus that Carrie’s approach to dating is flawed, so who will be revered as the next dating guru? Samantha Jones’s ideas on dating and womanhood are not far from those of the 21st century. Many today resonate most with Samantha because of her independent attitude in about every venue of her life. Self-sufficiency and autonomy are tenets of Samantha’s appeal; she owns her own PR firm, dates who she wants–when she wants, asserts herself in every situation, and advocates for herself and her friends whenever they need. Many of these qualities, particularly feeling strongly about having freedom financially and romantically, are aspirational for former and current watchers of Sex and the City.

 

Leah Copeland of Her Campus also critiques Carrie’s approach to dating, warning against the harm of idealizing her persona as an "independent, free-spirited woman." She points out that beneath Carrie’s carefully curated image of confidence—symbolized by her perfectly plucked eyebrows and rosy cheeks—lies a woman longing to be rescued by a wealthy man, undermining the very independence she outwardly projects. This is hard to argue, considering that in every season of SATC, Carrie crawls back into Mr. Big’s (her long-standing love interest) web of smooth lines, all-too-familiar lies, and tailored Armani suits. Big serves as a prime example of what actions Carrie tolerates, that would be a deal-breaker for Samantha. Carrie did not even know or reference her significant other by his first name in six seasons of “dating” him. Not until the last episode did the audience learn that “John James Preston,” was the culprit stringing our main character along for years. The lack of respect Mr. Big has for Carrie is something Samantha would never accept. In all of Samantha’s romantic experiences, she demands respect and controls the progression of the relationship. Carrie often converted herself into the archetype of the man she was dating—notably, the “manic pixie dream girl” ready to become a family woman for Aidan, the “dry blonde sponge” dumbing herself down for Jack Berger, and the “passive high society snob” for Alexander Petrovsky. Carrie creates personas and alters her personality for her romantic partners, while Samantha is authentically herself in relationships, ultimately ending things when she begins to feel too comfortable, or untrue to herself.

 

Following in Samantha’s footsteps, many believe independence within a relationship is non-negotiable. Having the freedom to spend time without the other is lost in many modern relationships because of the fear of unfaithfulness. Trust seems to be one of the hardest qualities to procure, yet is most valued in a relationship. It is undeniable that monogamy is less popular than it was generations ago, but why? Many blame the facade social media portrays of the amount of options men have, causing the collective “hive mindset” of masculinity and oversexualization. Some point out the progression of older generations’ dates (meeting organically, courtship, dating, commitment), to receiving an Instagram DM reading, “Wyd? You fine.” Everyone can have their own take on this progression, but there is little question that chivalry is dead. Though Samantha’s hookups always start with some brief, chivalrous conversation, it is what comes after that is emphasized. Women today praise Samantha for her sexual prowess as much as her professional accomplishments. As a society, we are placing more value on sex. Samantha would likely praise this progression and interpret it as women feeling more empowered in their bodies and minds. 

Though society is moving towards a type of dating culture Samantha would appreciate, we cannot lose Carrie’s optimism about love. Some SATC fans say that all of the four characters' unique personalities combined would create a “perfect,” well-rounded woman. Whether an individual gravitates more towards one or the other, it is clear that they can learn from both characters about the kind of person they aspire to be and the type of partner they hope to attract.

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